I have been sick for about a week it was a very high fever following a minor surgery that I had.

I wish I could say that it was a successful surgery but it is not it’s more complicated now than it ever was and I got nobody to explain or help me.

I have feeding tubes in and I don’t understand how to use cuz there are new kind and no one will answer my questions.

I live in a relatively small town but there’s lots of medical here and even though it’s out there no one seems to have an answer and meanwhile back at the farm so to speak my husband and I are fighting dogs and cats over this.

I’m tired I don’t want to do this anymore no I’m not suicidal but I wish God would strike me dead on my husband would go all PTSD and kill me but that’s not going to happen either so I’m just going to have to suffer.

The other times when things didn’t work out right and I would go to the hospital they keep me and they’ll treat me really bad cuz we have one hospital for the whole entire County now and when I’ve gone and they didn’t keep me they still kept me feeling less than and I said they worsted hurting and begging for help and people just looking at you like you’re an idiot or saying good luck cuz somebody actually said that to me tonight well good luck anyways I just wanted to write that because I’m pissed I’m so sick I’m not even sure I’m going to make it through the night. I have fluids just gushing out of my J&G port, I’m burping up blood there’s blood in my feet don’t matter I just think it’s running out of places to bleed into and if that wasn’t enough I have horrible girls that’s burning my throat and there’s no help inside the hospitals won’t help I never have urgent care doesn’t help it never has I feel like I’m alone with my husband’s here not he doesn’t know he’s doing and he’s the one that said good luck so that’s maybe the last time I read anything I don’t know but I feel right now it probably will be thank you for at least listening or reading and me maintain good safe Health in the future bye